Mr. Spock & the Unicorn

 

I’ve been digesting, as instructed. This is where I got to on my walk home tonight. Read or don’t as you like, it was 91 minutes so I might have got further if it had been longer. Or been more succinct had it been shorter. 

 

You have viewed our situation in an extremely rational way

I have viewed it in an extremely emotional way

True to personality types.

You are Mr. Spock, only doing what is logical – its illogical to have a relationship with someone in a different country. 

I am a happy little unicorn farting rainbows from my bottom – if you love someone everything will fall into place. 

Maybe we are both wrong and reality is somewhere in the middle

 

My feelings for you haven’t changed because of our respective locations, and there has always been a geographical challenge of some sort in our relationship. Are you really looking for a relationship to cohabit 24/7 & 12 months of the year? It doesn’t sound like the you I know

 

There will of course be (and maybe already are) other people and other opportunities for happiness for both of us but neither of us have a track record of being wildly successful at sustaining long term relationships. 

 

I think the difference in how we experience the relationship may be that my expectation of the day to day is more cynical than yours. I don’t expect harmony for a lot of the time, perhaps I expect a level of ‘sick’ as you like to call it, because that’s what I think is realistic. It’s what I see the friends I have who I consider to have successful relationships living with e.g. Tuula & Keith for example argue viciously with each other all the time & in front of their guests. I recognise I come from a home where the parental relationship was awful though, which has probably influenced what I accept.

 

I’ve been happy enough often enough with you to keep me with you. That’s better than anyone else for me. But hey, maybe I should set my expectations higher? Who knows?!

 

As for recent upsets (im trying to make sense of why you want to stop now). I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to be upset when you rush to comfort your X-wife. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have done it, but it also doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have got upset. We are both rather quick to pull the trigger on the relationship when we feel insecure.

 

Things aren’t black and white & your default tends to be a ‘worst case scenario’ / ‘can’t do attitude’ 

…D O O M!

 

You’ve seemed angry of late, & I know hazy is not the same for you. Are you sabotaging everything to try & get control back?

 

You are right. We need to consider the practicalities, and maybe I am not properly doing that. As time goes on they certainly assert themselves more. I have considered them more since Tuesday and they are daunting. 

 

If I can explain my thinking at the present moment: it really depends on your genuine motivation for wanting to end. 2 scenarios came to mind in 91 minutes:

 

1)     If you are tired of me / think you could do better / have found someone new / have refound someone old / don’t fancy me anymore / never fancied me actually / fancy the dragon peluche more than me.., then there is nothing can be done and you are right, we need to end. This will no doubt become apparent, even to me, very soon

2)     if it is the practical challenge that you cannot see how to overcome, then I can’t see a clear answer either, but I have lived long enough to be surprised & I acknowledge that I am not God (really, I’m not God). A certain William Shakespeare wrote: “There are more things in heaven & earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy”. So I’m just saying that you can’t always see round the bend in the road and my approach is that you do what you can and doors open, if you want them to enough. See – a rainbow farting Unicorn. We are not through a pandemic and travel restrictions have only just started to loosen. They will not be there for the rest of our lives & maybe it’s my turn to commute internationally on a monthly basis once that is possible. This is something that we would need to spend time on together and talk properly about + agree what is acceptable & practical for each of us if we were going to go down this road at all. That talking is something we aren’t very good at doing

 

I must admit that I was bit surprised to be dumped so suddenly, given that up until a month ago you were really keen to go on an intense cycling holiday together and you were talking about camping with the girls over the summer. However, I reassure you again, I am not God. So sometimes I get things wrong (newsflash)